It's Been A While:

I've been noticing lately that I'm becoming bitter. I'm too young to be bitter!!!

I'm hoping to blame said bitterness on the fact that I'm overwhelmed and am a tad burned out.

I have been trying really, really hard to focus on the positive things in my life and to count my blessings. I have it so good!

But then I get run down and exhausted and all I want to do is throw myself a pity party.

So I'm going to vent a little bit. Pardon the rant that is about to occur.

I would love, love, love to be able to go on vacations. I would love to travel. I would love to go out every weekend. I would love to do all the fun things people my age are supposed to be doing.

But, I can't.

It's *that* simple.

Between work and school, I just don't have the time. It bums me out every time I have to tell one of my friends "no, I can't hang out with you" or "no, I can't do a road trip/vacation with you". I'm so worried that someday (and someday soon), they will stop asking.

It's hard to explain how badly I want to become a Firefighter Paramedic. It's like I'd been wandering around for 21 years. Lost. I was lost. And suddenly, it all makes sense. It's like, I don't know, coming home, as cheesy as that sounds. I've always been really good with kids, but just being good at something isn't a good enough reason to revolve my future around it. But FireMedic, now that's something I can build on, revolve around, aim for.

I've been spending a lot of time at the gym lately. Too much, apparently, as my knees have been bothering me. I talked to the GTM and he told me, basically, to slow it the eff down. My trainer gave me some specific stretches and the GWM showed me how to foam roll my legs to loosen up the muscles around my knee. Foam rolling also helps elongate the muscles, creating a longer, leaner look (which is an excellent thing).

It really bums me out that I can't work out like I've been working out. In the past week, I've gone from burning about 700 calories a workout to burning around 300 a work out. That's a pretty significant drop. Unfortunately, it means I'm going to have to really watch what I'm eating (which I hate doing and have never really been good at). I've been acting really dramatic about it lately, too. My trainer pointed out to me today "It's not like you tore your ACL." He's right. A week of rest and improving my form will more than likely solve the problem.

It's time to cut the shit. No more drama. No more games. Straight up. This isn't high school. It's time to grow the eff up. Roll with the punches and deal with it.

So that's the new game plan. Less complaining, less dramatic outbursts. More dealing with it, more making the best out of what you've got.

“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” ― Theodore Roosevelt

WORD.

Things I've always wanted to do:

I have resolved to try to do a couple things on this list every month or at least take the steps necessary to get me to where I need to be.

1) Send a postcard to PostSecret.
2) Surf well.
3) Sing karaoke.
4) Hike Half Dome.
5) Become a park ranger.
6) Scuba dive around ship wreckage.
7) Stand up for myself.
8) Stand up for someone else.
9) Reach my goal weight.
10) Run a 6 minute mile.
11) Start a nonprofit organization that helps animals.
12) Bungee jump.
13) Para sail.
14) Backpack through Sequoia Kings Canyon.
15) Be debt free.
16) Let go of my grudges.
17) Live on the beach.
18) Write a book (a good one).
19) Own my own home.
20) Be in a movie (as an extra, as a main character).

I'll stop with 20 things for right now.

"It’s not the tragedies that kill us, it’s the messes."

―Dorothy Parker

21) Write and record a song. Added 4/15/09.