Here it goes again:

It has taken over 2 years, but I am fed up with my weight. I am sick of being tired all the time, I am sick of being enslaved to the food I eat and I am sick of feeling less-than. I know that it's about what's on the inside and that the people who love me don't love me for my body, but it doesn't mean I feel good about myself.

My best friend is writing her senior thesis on overeating being an underestimated eating disorder, and it got me to thinking. I never really thought I had it until a few weeks ago. I always thought I just had some sort of deficiency when it came to self-control. But it truly is a compulsion. I feel like it controls me, though not all the time. I can hold my ground for a little bit, even up to a few weeks, but I seem to always give in towards the end of whatever battle I'm fighting with food. I don't want this to be seen as an excuse to be the way that I am. It's not as simple as "don't eat this" or "don't eat that". For people with this disorder, it is an epic struggle. You feel so empty and lost before you compulsively overeat and then after you feel so guilty, you want to do it again. Instead of being a "dry drunk", I'm a "dry eater"... Or something like that. It means that even when I'm "sober", I'm still behaving or thinking like an eat-aholic.

My life is full of stress and it has always felt natural to turn to food to make me feel better. It's an emotional, as well as physical, problem. That being said, I've always thought (and said) "someday I'll lose the weight". Well, that someday is today. Well, it's actually tomorrow, but you get the idea. It's time to stop letting food control me. With the help of God, the advice of my former nutritionist, and the knowledge I have accumulated in my search for the magic weight-loss formula, I am going to try to tackle this again.

Journalling, praying, eating small meals often, and following some guidelines from The South Beach Diet (the only eating plan that has really worked for me) are what I hope will help me towards success.

I've also looked into some Overeaters Anonymous meetings. They have similar support groups, meetings and steps to AA. According to "Is OA for you?", I answered yes to three or more of the questions, which means it is probable that I am a compulsive overeater...

What an interesting ride this will be.