When life gets tough, the tough get going, right? Yes, that would be ideal. However, this is not the case today. I have a midterm Wednesday in my EME class (25% of my grade in a class that I love) and two chemistry exams on Tuesday and I don't know of much that could motivate me to study right now (aside from failing. That might motivate me). I desperately need to review my OB, patient assessment and signs/symptoms lecture notes for my midterm. I need an 80% or higher to pass the class... I am NOT dropping this class halfway through the semester. I am NOT going to retake it again. *sigh* But I still don't want to study.

Chemistry. It sucks. As my cousin put it, Chemistry and I have no chemistry. I love to balance equations and once I get the formula's down, I love to do the math. My problem right now seems to be that I don't really understand what the heck I'm doing! I'm hoping a study session on Sunday will clear things up, but there's no telling how much information I'll actually absorb and retain. I could, technically speaking, give a rats ass about this chemistry class. But, the thing is, I need this class to take anatomy and physiology. Plus, after this chem class, I'll have an AA with an emphasis in mathematics and science (finally).

Getting a license to drive an ambulance. How cool is that?!? I need to go and get all the forms from the DMV next week so I can get that taken care of. It makes me more "hire-able" according to my EME instructor. I'm super jazzed about becoming an EMT (and eventually a paramedic). I really do think it's one of the more perfect jobs for me. I get to go into any given situation, take control, patch people up and send them on their way. Too bad it pays just barely above minimum wage when you first start. And I have to suck it up and get over the fact that I will look like a square, boxy man in the uniforms. So perhaps I should follow Nike's slogan and "Just do It" and go study.

Other stuff:
I think I'm either going to hire a personal trainer (you know, once I win the lottery and become a millionaire) or take some sort of physical training class to get me to where I need to be physically. A guy from my EME class was telling me some of the physical fitness tests I have to pass (be able to run an 8 minute mile?!?) if I end up becoming a firefighter as well. Plus, even as an EMT, I have to be able to move and lift people and equipment. If I go on to do something totally awesome like work as a S.W.A.T. medic, I'm going to need to be in peak physical condition. I need to apply Nike's slogan to my ENTIRE life and just do it!

Hmmm... I guess I should go study, then. The idea of failing any of my classes and having to retake them makes me physically ill... That might be enough motivation!


Today, I am feeling restless. Not the kind of restless where you can't sit still, but more of a mental restlessness. I want to get in my car and drive away, never looking back. I have no idea where this feeling is coming from, either. Nothing new and/or big has happened. Maybe the tedium is getting to me. All I know, is I feel like I could cry at the drop of a hat. The same hat falling could also cause me to grab an overnight bag, some food and my dog and just take off for the weekend...

Maybe I have "modern neurasthenia". A few of the symptoms are being "plagued by a sense of 'unreality'" and feeling "shiftlessness, anxious, and restlessness." The author of a blog about modern neurasthenia says the following about what causes this unrecognized psycho-physical disorder:

"Neurasthenia is back for the same reason it plagued our forbearers; our expectations have not kept pace with changing technology and culture. Technology has leapfrogged ahead in the past couple of decades with the internet, cell phones, Twitter, Facebook, and Blackberries putting us in instant touch with anyone in the world. With Google maps we can virtually zoom anywhere on earth and a wealth of information is right at our fingertips.

Our lives are also saturated with media. We’ve been exposed to thousands of commercials, movies, and televisions shows. How many images have we absorbed of SUV’s powering to the edge of a cliff, awesome rooftop parties in LA, sweet Manhattan apartments miraculously rented by struggling 20-somethings, vacations on private islands, legendary road trips and so on. The images we consume are full of moments showcasing life at its most vital and extraordinary.

And so our minds are filled with the vast possibilities the world has to offer, and technology makes us feel that all these possibilities are just within our reach. But the realities of our lives really haven’t changed much. Many aspects of our lives have sped up and become easier, but lots of things haven’t. We can instantly chat with our friend in Argentina, but we’re no closer to instantly teleporting there. Tons of information is available on the web but it still takes just as long as it ever did to read and absorb it. We still need to get jobs and pay rent and work at our relationships."

The cure?

1) Figure out what you can do.
2) Figure out what you want to do.
3) Take small steps.

So, I guess the solution to my restlessness is to acknowledge what I can do, what I want to do and find a way to take small steps towards what I want. I think I'll also consult with God on this one. Restlessness usually means I'm not getting something I need out of life, and what better place to look for it than God.