Let's Discuss: Online Dating

Let's Discuss: Online Dating

Alright... 

After many months of being out of the game and a week filled with extreme boredom (the cursed flu got me and it got me good...), I made what I will probably consider later to be a horrible decision: I reopened my OkCupid profile. 

Now, for those of you who are unfamiliar with OkCupid, it is an online dating website and it is much more user friendly than some of the others out there. Every step of setting your profile is entertaining and almost fun. The creators must have an incredible sense of humor and it comes through in the various messages, instructions and general information provided regarding the site.

Like any online dating website, there are a lot of creepers out there. And I mean A LOT. In fact, before my ex and I dated, I was on this site and he told me numerous times he was worried one of these guys was a serial killer and I'd end up diced into little bits. I tend to be overly cautious and I like to think that my instincts are pretty good, though.

However, creepers aside, there are some great people who are on dating sites! I've met a few people who it didn't work out with romantically, but we're still in contact and are friends. I've also been matched up with people I already know in "real" life (this always amuses me greatly and with every round of Matches I go through, I have my fingers crossed that someone I know is in there...).

I wanted to write a little something to help out all you male online daters out there. Every day, I seem to get a message from a guy who has absolutely no fucking clue what he's doing. I don't know if he thinks we ("we" being women...) can't tell? Well, listen up, buddy. We can tell.

First Impressions:

Dude A - "How are you? Well my name is ***** and I have to say that you are truly beautiful and yes I know you get that everyday but thought you'd hear it from me. I have to say that you definately sound like an amazing girl and honestly I'd love to truly get to know you so with that said I hope to hear from you soon"

I didn't reply as there was nothing for me to reply to! "Thank you"? "Learn to spell"? If I don't have anything nice to say, I won't say anything at all...

If you send me a message and you want me to respond, it would help if you READ my PROFILE and didn't just scan my pictures. Reference something specific I said in my profile, ask me a question or two about it. I can tell when you have a copy and paste message that you send out to everyone (cause if you send out 100 messages and 10 women respond, chances are 1 of them will sleep with you, right?).

Here's how your introductory message should go:

"Hi there! I'm ***** and I found your profile really interesting! I see that you like to play mailbox baseball? So weird, that's a hobby of mine too! And I see that sardines are one of your favorite pizza toppings... I've never had sardines, but I like trying new foods. How long have you been a trapeze artist?"

See what I did there? I introduced myself, pulled a few things out of the profile in question and referenced them, then asked a question or two.

So I introduced myself, what next?

 If you sent your introduction message and I responded, that's great!! Now, the next step is to actually read what I wrote. Tough, I know. At this point, you need to exchange some more messages. A disadvantage to online dating is I automatically assume each guy is a creeper, but only moderately so. Until you prove me wrong, just trust that I think you're crazy and there's no way in hell I'm meeting you in person.

So ask me some more questions. Answer any questions I might ask. Volunteer any information you think I might like to know. (For the record, asking me to tell you about myself does not count as asking me questions... It's a cop out)

One common question all you duds, er, dudes, like to ask (and you shouldn't) is "What are you looking for?"

DID YOU READ MY PROFILE???? There's this funny little section called "What I'm Looking For"... That's a topic that should be talked about a little further down the line (like when you're meeting me in person) or when I bring it up. The pushier you seem, the further away I will keep you.

I didn't like what you said in your response!

So Dude B messages me and his first message is rough around the edges (and lacking most punctuation), but it sounds kinda sincere, so I respond. In his third message, he asks what I'm looking for and states that we should meet up. So I tell him I'm not really looking for anything, that if a connection with someone develops, great, let's explore it, but I move at my pace and my pace alone.

Dude B - (After I said I wasn't yet comfortable meeting in person or giving my number out) "OK well good luck to you. This is my first dating website and I'm not used to how people treat people on here but take care"

Listen...... If you're going to get butt hurt, even in the slightest, because some girl online didn't respond favorably to your masterfully crafted message, you need to go put yourself in an adult time out while you grow up a little bit.

If you don't like what I said, shake it off! Kudos to Dude B for deciding I'm not what he's looking for and excusing himself from our conversation, but you need to be very aware that rejection will still happen, even online.

CHEAT SHEET:
1) Read her profile, reference it in your initial message.
2) Ask questions that warrant a response.
3) Give information about yourself in addition to asking her questions.
4) Read. Her. Profile.
5) Don't ask to meet up or exchange numbers in messages 1-5 unless she suggests it.
6) READ. HER. PROFILE.
7)  If it doesn't work out, that's ok. There are plentyoffish in the sea... (See what I did there?!?)
8) I don't know if you picked up on this before, but READ HER GOSHDARN PROFILE!!!!

I realize that I may sound like :

a) a psycho
b) THAT girl
c) a Crazy Cat Lady

... but I swear I'm not!! (unless you put me on hormonal birth control... then I become d) All of the above). I'm merely someone who is incredibly amused at the whole online dating mess. I am aware that "boredom" isn't truly a relevant reason to join on online dating site, but it's what I'm going with.

Ugh... My head just started swimming. Perhaps this is too much activity for my recently ill brain... nap time? I think yes.