Constantly Searching:

Is there a reason that life feels like a constant maze? I feel like something is always missing and I'm always looking for it.

Or perhaps treading water is a better metaphor. I'm not getting anywhere, just barely able to stay afloat. And sometimes, my head goes under.

I'm stressed out. Below, find a brief summary as to why:

I find out tomorrow if Edward has canine diabetes. I'm pretty worried about that. If he does have it, he'll probably need insulin for the rest of his life. That can get expensive, but after price checking insulin, I should be able to afford it. I'm worried that if it isn't diabetes, it's a liver or kidney problem. Now, I'm a poor, poor college student. If he has a serious medical issue, I'm going to have to put him down. And that realization sucks. But I'm not going to get a head of myself. Nothing is confirmed as of yet.

And then there's the whole tell-your-clients-you-need-to-find-a-new-job thing. I'm not ready for the emotional drama that is sure to go down.

Oh, and not to mention the I-haven't-done-what-I-need-to-do-to-get-a-new-job thing! So many things to do, so little time.

Lets not forget about the whole I-enjoy-social-interaction-but-need-more-friends thing. Truthfully, I don't need more friends, I just need more time to hang out with the ones I have!

And I can't ignore the fact that the financial aid I was counting on to pay off my debt, well that fell through. I don't know what to do about that one.

But wait! There's more! I've got it in my head that I need a boyfriend even though I know this is the last thing I need. And I've been flirting with disaster in the form of a man-friend for a few weeks and I don't have a good feeling about this. My head is telling me no, no, no but my body is saying yes, yes, yes. It's a long, complicated, drawn out story. My gut is telling me it will not end nicely. He doesn't respect my values and morals, which is the main problem... Sheesh...

And in this whole mess that is my life, I have stopped consulting the only one I really need to consult: God. Maybe that's the reason for the constantly searching feeling. It always seems to come back to Him, doesn't it?

Having thought about it, I know what I need to do. I know all the answers and the right thing to do. I just need the courage to do them.

Lord, please give me the strength and courage to face my problems head on. Give me the words to say and the knowledge I need.

John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

This scripture is tattooed on my back, but I think I forget about it sometimes. It's what I tend to fall back on when I need reassurance...

Alrighty, enough babbling and incomplete sentences/paragraphs. Time to get ready for school!