I need to find an ambulance company, and I need to find one now:

I believe the title says it all. I, my friends out in blog world, need to find a job as an EMT. It's been almost 6 months since I passed the class. All I need to do is submit my application for my county card and get my ambulance drivers license and then I can apply my heart out. The sooner I get a job, the better. A friend of a friend was recently hired and listening to his stories is making me realize how much I want to do this. I love kids and I enjoy working with them, but I can't wait to get going on my career! Imagine. Being able to move out! It's a dream of mine. Unfortunately, unless I meet someone who wants to support me through medic school (which will, quite possibly, be one of the most trying times of my life), I shall remain living with my mom. The 5 year plan has me working as a fire medic and living on my own. That's enough to keep me going for now.

On another note, I was feeling super discouraged about things on Monday and after talking to several different people, I started to feel a lot better. Even when things get rough, I've still got it good.

And I must say, despite not being 100% stoked on my weight loss (or lack thereof), I'm really enjoying the gym. I've noticed marked improvement in my endurance and my strength. I also am really enjoying boxing. I channel some rage and let it out on the bag and end up feeling much more relaxed afterwards. An ass kicking workout tends to relax me. I have no energy left to be stressed out.

The moral of the story is that no matter how bad I think things are, I've still got it good.

I'm going to quote one of my favorite songs now. Don't judge me.

"'Cause sometimes you feel tired,
feel weak, and when you feel weak, you feel like you wanna just give up. But you gotta search within you, you gotta find that inner strength and just pull that shit out of you and get that motivation to not give up and not be a quitter, no matter how bad you wanna just fall flat on your face and collapse."

Eminem is one talented dude. I find his songs to be motivating and excellent to workout to. When I'm halfway through a workout and my legs are aching, my lungs are burning and I'm sweating so hard I can't see, one of his songs comes on and I can somehow make it through to the end. "Till I Collapse" by Eminem and "Sacrifice" by Lil' Wayne are my top 2 power songs at the moment. And now having thought about the songs and read the lyrics, I can't wait to workout today! I never thought I would feel this way about working out. I crave it some days.

New moral of the story: Never give up.

Insert Clever Title [Here]:

So many questions, so little time.

My plan for the past few weeks has been this:
1) Get in shape for Fall '10 fire academy
2) Pay off debt using Pell Grant to make living expenses less expensive
3) Crash 3 fire classes Spring '10 and 2 fire classes Summer '10 in preparation for fire academy
4) Continue working as a nanny/caregiver and volunteer a few days a week if possible at a fire station
5) Complete fire academy, get hired in SD County.
6) Go to Palomar's Paramedic program
7) Complete paramedic program, work as a FF Paramedic

Now, after having spoken to a few people and having lost the Pell Grant, I don't know what to do! I'm hearing "Fire Academy first, then medic program" in one ear and in the other I'm hearing "Medic program first, then Fire Academy" and I have no idea what is best!!!! I've put in some emails to the Fire Academy instructors, but only one has emailed me back and he was less than helpful. I suppose I'm going to have to start stalking the FF Paramedics in SD County now. Maybe someone will help me out and give me some advice.

Maybe the problem is that my plan is exactly that: MY plan. I really haven't prayed about this at all. This occurred to me last night while I was trying to go to bed. So, I prayed last night for some direction. I feel like that's one step towards where I need to be.

On another note, while googling "How to become a firefighter" (because I'm not joking about having questions that need answers!), I stumbled upon a blog by a woman named Athena who is 30 years old, has 4 kids and is currently training to become a firefighter! She has been documenting her journey through blogs and some vlogs and it's been the most helpful and inspiring thing I've found yet! I sent her a message on facebook (her blog had a link) and I added her. After reading some of her blogs last night, I was feeling really inspired and I couldn't sleep, I was so jazzed. She has posted some of her workouts, too, which I'd like to try to do.

I'm no where near where I need to be physically, but I'm working on it. I went through a modified circuit of what Jake took me through on Wednesday last week. It was moderately difficult, but I know I need to push myself harder. I did 5 sets of: 10 push-ups, 6 "Jump Squats", 30 crunches (or 10 seconds of scissor kicks), 30 seconds of jumping jacks (or pretend jumping rope) and then I went on a 15 minute walk and did 10 lunges on each leg, followed by a reverse push-up chaser (10). Like I said, I know I can push myself harder, but I'm pleased at what I got done today. Now, all I need to do is focus on what I eat.

My National Registry test is on Thursday. I'm planning on studying whenever I'm not working, sleeping or exercising. Haha, I could probably even stidy while I work-out, but one of the trainers told me when I work out, I need to be focused on working out, not on other things. So, we'll see how long it takes me to turn working out into a release instead of something I have to do. :-)

I'm Feeling Good:

Last night, there was a mixup at the gym and my regular trainer (Jered) wasn't there. So the kid (Jake. Well, he's 21, so maybe he's not a kid and I'm just sensitive to age differences) who signed me up intially worked me out.

He got super excited as we were setting up the raquetball room for circuit training and that's when I began to get worried. He kept going "Yaaaaay!" and then he broke out the jump rope and the upside-down Bose ball. In short, best workout ever!!!! That was probably the hardest 15 minutes of my life, but it's exactly what I need to get in shape for the academy. It's too bad Jake doesn't normally do training, because I'd probably switch trainers in a heartbeat if he did.

Something amazing happened after my workout. I let go of some things I'd been holding on to. I feel like this heavy, crushing feeling is gone. I'm light as a feather and happy, too!

My dad is full of what I like to call One Liner Jewels of Wisdom. Some are original, some are not. One of them is Attitude determines altitude. So, by choosing to be happy, I become happy.

Now, I get to go to Guajome with Christy and run through a small circuit of my own creation. :-)